A Sad Goodbye

Yesterday at about 11:30am, my beautiful niece, Johnna Jolene, lost her battle with her rare muscle cancer. Her dad (my brother Kyle), mom, twin sister Kara, and brother Daniel were all with her when she eased from this world into God's embrace.

Johnna and her mom, Carla

She was a beautiful young woman, 30 years old, and in the prime of her life. One has to wonder what plan God had for her to die so young and of such a horrible disease.

I will remember her laugh - loud and infectious. I will remember her hugs - warm and all-encompassing. Her smile lit up a room and her compassion for others overrode her need for her own comfort while she was coping with her disease, her pain, her fear. She had unlimited faith and I know that that faith helped her these last few weeks of her life.

She will be missed. I love you, Johnna!

Tired & Disappointed

So it's been about two months since I was released from doctor's care following my surgeries. In that time, I raised a litter of eight border collie puppies and now have a new puppy of my own that I kept from that litter. That's the tired part. Eight puppies is a LOT of work and I lost a lot of sleep and general "down time" which my body needs. Still not getting much down time but at least I'm getting a full-night's sleep once again.

The disappointed part is in regards to my foot.

The fused joint is fine - stiff but not painful, and that is what the goal of the surgery was.

But I am disappointed that the toe and foot is still swollen and looks to remain that way.

I am disappointed that the big toe curls sideways which does inhibit somewhat my walking mechanics. I believe that the curl is a result of the tendon not being long enough with the angle the doctor put on the fused joint. But that angle is what is giving me pain-free walking. The curled toe is an inconvenience at this time - annoying and sometimes a bit uncomfortable but not terribly painful.

I am terribly disappointed that two surgeries and nine months of recovery didn't fix my Achilles tendon issues. I am back to having an extremely tight tendon when I wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and also in the mornings. It is not yet painful during the day because as I use it, it warms up and stretches out and as long as I continue to move it stays limber and loose. But as soon as I take a break, the tendon tightens up. I am back to having to rotate and stretch it after a moderate-length road trip (2 hours) just so that I can walk.

I continue to do my stretching exercises and would be content if I was sure this would continue to be the status quo. But I've been here before. After my first two surgeries I got 18 months of lovely walking and then the tendon got tight and inflamed and I wound up unable to walk and experiencing extreme pain. I'm afraid I am heading back that way again only this time the tendon didn't give me any 'good' time. It's not painful, but it is so tight that walking down stairs normally is impossible.

I am just disappointed that no one seems to be able to fix my foot so that I can function normally. That's all I want. Sigh.