Roller Coaster Emotions

Okay, so I know my foot is making progress.

But I am still having problems that prevent me from moving forward at the speed I think I should be. I know that I need to adjust my mental expectations and when I do, it lasts for a day or two, or until my foot/toe hurts so much that I can't do my exercises.

And then I get depressed again.

Really. This is driving me crazy.

I'm sitting here crying while typing this.

The strapping that the doctor put on my foot last Thursday helped with the pain. But it came off on Monday. So the physical therapist taped it for me but it just didn't work like the doctor's taping. I wasn't experiencing the pain in the ball of the toe but it was cutting into the foot at two places which made it uncomfortable/painful. The toe also hurt a lot. So I took it off last night, taking some skin along with it. That's some strong tape! My toe is hurting again -- still. It was hurting even when it was taped yesterday. Sigh.

I can logically see that the foot is making progress even if it's not at the rate I want. I can deal with that. Yes, I get impatient when I take two steps forward and then the foot rebels and slides back a step or more. But I need to focus on what I CAN do now that I couldn't do a month ago.

I can get my foot in a shoe. I can walk without crutches. Some days I can walk without a hobble to my step (other days not so much). I have complete range of flexibility equal to my other foot, non-weight-bearing. I can curl my toes and pick up a towel with them. I can do modified heel raises, squats, and stand on one foot -- all weight-bearing! I can kinda run (which is all I need for the dog trials I'm going to be competing in this weekend).

But there is a lot that I can't do yet.

I won't list them as I don't want to dwell on them, but walking without pain is #1 on that list.

I know that it's going to take time and perseverance.

I have to stay focused on the prize, even if it's not easily attainable.

I have to work thru the down and painful times to get where I want to be on the other side of the pain.

But I'm TIRED of pain. It really wears on one, both physically and mentally.