I'm Done

Emotionally and physically I am done with this foot.

I don't know how to handle the constant pain and disappointment that the surgery didn't fix it.

I cry every day during or after my exercises because there is no improvement.

Okay, sometimes there's improvement in one area but then another part backslides or starts hurting worse. I feel like we're chasing it but never catching up. It's frustrating.

My physical therapist is baffled. And the past couple of sessions I've gotten the feeling that she is now just going thru the motions. She's not putting much thought into the therapy because nothing is working. And that bothers me too. I don't feel she should just be going thru the motions.

Last Friday, I saw a different therapist because mine was out with her dying father. He is actually the co-founder and co-owner of the business. He took one look at my file and started asking questions and explaining things and really worked me over good. Actually caused a bit of pain with his massaging but it was what my foot needed as it was actually better over the weekend.

It didn't last, but I thought that maybe we were onto something. But then on Monday, it was back to the 'same old, same old' with my regular therapist. Like I said, I think she's mentally done with me. I may have to change clinics to get someone new to look at this with new eyes.

I see the doctor today for a two week followup on my orthotic devices. They're not working at all to alleviate the pain in my toe joint. In fact, the pain is worse I think. Not good. The doctor, too, is frustrated.

I wish I could truly just say "I'm done" and just live with the foot the way it is. But I can't. I have too much pain. If I compensate for the toe pain by walking on the side of my foot, then my tendon starts screaming. If I compensate for the ankle, the the entire leg and hip start hurting.

I'm in a no-win situation right now. I have to go forward but I can't see anywhere to go.