Family

My family is . . . normal.

I used to think we were dysfunctional - and we are. But I have found that most families are like mine so that makes us normal.

When we were growing up it was either a war zone or we all got along great. But the great memories are the ones that stand out and remain in my mind.

I remember beating up my brother under the kitchen table. Literally. Us three oldest girls beating the hell out of poor Kyle for some imagined infraction. But if someone picked on him or called him names, we beat the hell out that person in defense of our beloved brother.

And when he bounced off the 4-man toboggan and fell face first into a drift and cried, we all rallied around him to warm him up, wipe him off, and make him smile again.

And Kyle always had my back in high school. He is a year younger than me but I always called him my 'big' brother. It helps that he's 6'3" and an ex-football player -- tackle or something like that.

So my niece, his daughter, is fighting terminal cancer and he asked her what she wanted -- anything in the world and he'd get it for her. She wanted a big family Thanksgiving like we used to have at my mom's house.

So Kyle called all of us girls and asked if we could do this for Johnna. Of course we said yes -- at least us three older girls did. What else could you say to your brother when he wants to grant the wish of his dying daughter?

Apparently you can say that you'll see what your plans are for that day. That's what my youngest sister said. And she didn't show.

Come on! This is the dying wish of a young woman, a family member, and you have other plans?!?!?!? I'm sure it wasn't anything that anyone would have held them to if it was explained what was going on. Give me a break. This really irritates me, if you can't tell.

When my nephew committed suicide, my youngest sister needed her family for support. She leaned on us and we shared memories of her son after the funeral. It was like old times.

But apparently she has a short memory because we are an embarrassment to her again. God forbid that someone find out that she's related to us! Nor does she have any family who might need her. For goodness sake, if she couldn't do it for her brother then at least for her niece? Apparently not. She had more important things to do than celebrate Thanksgiving with her dying niece. Sigh.

Okay, off my rant.

We had a great time yesterday. Most of the cousins made it to Girard. Some even traveled over 6 hours to come for the meal. The two cousins in AZ didn't make it but that was understandable. Tara and Joel rearranged their plans with Joel's family to be there for Johnna and for Kyle.

But that's what you do for family.

Johnna was pale and weak and her voice was very thready and thin, but she still has that big laugh of hers that makes you join in with her even if you don't know what the joke is.

But it didn't have the feeling of the old Thanksgivings, at least I didn't think so.

Mostly because we were in a church hall and at small tables that seated only six or eight. The food was served buffet-style (it was GREAT food -- Kyle is a great cook). So the closeness and intimacy that we got from being crowded around the big dining room table was missing.

Too many people cut out early - other obligations (but at least they made the effort). So there was no games being played after the meal, no turkey sandwich rounds, no over-indulging on desserts a second or third time.

But it was still a wonderful, fun time. And the family who made the effort to come, even if it was inconvenient, will be blessed with the memories we created.

And for me that's what families do for each other - create memories.

Getting Ready

My foot is feeling much better as long as I don't bear weight on the broken joint/bone and I keep it wrapped and in my ortho boot.

I am frantically getting the house ready for Thanksgiving but am unable to do the thorough cleaning that I normally do. Ah well. Today I steam clean the carpets, wash down the refrigerator, and dust. I hate dusting.

I bought a 24# turkey and got it thawed overnight. My 'small' gathering has blossomed into a medium-large gathering with 16 people coming. Which is good. I like big Thanksgiving day gatherings.

My niece got out of the hospital on Sunday after a round of chemo. She's not feeling the best and her lungs are filling with fluid again. The preventative measure they did didn't stop the refilling. Sigh. They did an x-ray and found that the large tumor next to her heart has grown 'significantly'. She is in a lot of pain with the fluid in her lungs and feels like crap due to the chemo. The family gathering on Saturday is still on unless Jo is too sick to attend and enjoy it. It is sounding like she won't make it six months. My heart breaks for her, her twin sister, her brother, and her mom and dad.

My friend was due to get out of the hospital on Saturday after her first round of chemo. I haven't heard from her and I haven't called (bad me) but I've been so busy. I will make time and call her this evening and see how she's feeling. Her mom was driven down from Eau Claire by a friend and they will get to spend the holiday together.

After Thanksgiving I will have a week to get the house ready for Christmas, the tree up and whatever decorating I want to do. I also hope to wrap the gifts that I already have on hand. Most of my shopping will be done on line this year. But then, I usually do most of my shopping on line. But in other years I get to go out and walk the stores and malls just to pick up odds and ends and to enjoy the season. Not this year. Ah well.

My surgery to repair this foot (again) is scheduled for Friday December 3rd. Time is not definite yet as it could be moved up to morning if the plastic surgeon who has that time blocked off doesn't have a procedure to do. But right now it is scheduled for 2:00.

I am not happy about having to do this again. I had sworn I wasn't going to do another surgery on this foot.

But the decision was taken out of my hands.

And the X-rays Showed . . .

. . . a broken bone!

No wonder the foot hurt so much.

That means another surgery to repair the break.

It also explains why my recovery was going no where.

I am doing a round of cephalexin (antibiotics) because the doctor wants to be sure I don't have an infection in there. With the redness and heat, she's not sure, so better to do the 10 days than to lose the foot to a bone infection.

After the 10 days, that would put us right into Thanksgiving week and I host the meal, so we're waiting until the following week to fix this foot -- again.

The pain is relatively gone since she immobilized it with an ace bandage and my ortho boot. Supposed to stay off of it and keep it elevated and iced, but can still do grooming as long as I don't hurt the foot.

So another surgery, whether I like it or not.

PAIN!!!

I am in excrutiation pain right now and have been since yesterday mid-morning.

I don't know what happened. Wednesday I had a different therapist since my gal is out on pregnancy bedrest. This substitute was from another clinic and was picking up Cara's appointments.

Lisa is the third non-regular therapist I've had in the past few weeks. The other two (men) actually helped my situation even if their massages hurt like hell. Lisa concentrated on the toe pain which I thought would be good. She really massaged the foot in different spots than Cara and the guys did. It felt good.

By Thursday morning, there was quite a bit more swelling than usual in and between the big and second toe bones (the long bones of the foot). I noticed as I was talking with a client after she picked up her dog that the foot hurt and was real tight in the shoe. Walking on it was painful, but only in the toe area. I could bear weight on the heel and the side of the foot, just couldn't put any weight on the ball or toes.

After I was finished with grooming for the morning, I went inside and put it up on ice. The skin was hot to touch and so tight with fluid that it was shiny and looked ready to burst. And pain!!! I've not been in that much pain since the first few days after the surgery. Just the weight of the ice pack was causing a lot of pain. And the ice didn't really do much to alleviate the pain.

I kept it up and on ice all afternoon. When it came time to go out and put up the ducks, I couldn't slide my foot into my slip-on boot but finally managed to get my shoe on. I was crying so hard but managed to get the chores done and the foot back up and on ice.

I decided that when my Motrin wore off I would take some Vicadin. Glad I did. It controlled the pain for about 4 hours overnight and I took a second one at five hours and got a second stretch of sleep. I am almost at 5 hours again and will take another one soon. Can't wait.

So I'm going to call the doctor's office and see when she can see me. Hopefully today but I think it's her Friday on the nursing home circuit which means no office hours. But she does have Saturday hours so perhaps then. Got PT this afternoon. They are going to be shocked when they see this foot.

What Can I Say?

So this past weekend my little herding club held its annual trial. Since help is hard to find (most of the members don't want to work the trial, only compete in it), Saturday morning found me trying to finish up the A course for the sheep and the ducks. Walking on uneven ground is still rough on my foot and rough terrain like in the sheep pastures is just TOO much. But someone had to do it. We started 45 minutes late as it was.

After the trial ended on Sunday afternoon (and it was an early, early ending thankfully) we did get a bunch of help tearing down the sheep holding pens while the duck runs were going on, but once again, as soon as the trial ended everyone disappeared and it was up to Peggy (who'd gotten run over by a sheep on Saturday), Lisa and me to haul the wooden panels, metal T-posts, and snow fencing up to the barn. It took us about 90 minutes to finish up and I was home by 6:30 which is the earliest I've been home after that trial. But it could have been sooner if people had stuck around to finish the job. Guess I shouldn't complain as generally we have to tear down the sheep pens ourselves.

Thank doG for little favors and whatever help we got.

So I came home, put my foot up and iced it. I then did an E-stim treatment and fell asleep.

Monday morning found the foot tender and the ankle stiff. I did some stretching and then again put the foot up on ice for the majority of the day until PT. Then my friend, Judy, called and asked if I could come to Peoria and pick up her puppy as she was in the hospital again. So by the time I got home, I was mentally beat and the foot was still tender. More ice and an E-stim treatment.

Tuesday, the toe joint was puffy still and sore. I had a dog to groom and so I put my compression band on the foot to help keep the swelling down and out. By the time I finished and got back inside, the shoe was snug but I had kept most of the fluid out. The ankle, too, was swollen. More ice and rest. Then I had to drive over to meet my other friend who will be caring for the puppy until I have room for her here (if/when Emma finds a home). Again more ice and an E-stim treatment after supper.

The good news is that the tendon itself is not sore at all. Very tight and not accepting stretching but at least it's not sore. I'll take whatever good news I can find.

This morning, the swelling is all but gone from the foot. Still no soreness in the tendon. The fused toe joint is still extremely sore. Looks like I'm going to have to take that steroid injection from the doctor after all. Sigh. I hate needles, especially in my mouth and in my foot.

I have a cocker to groom this morning so we'll see what it looks like after I'm done. I should have time to ice it before I go to PT at 1:00.

At this point, I am no longer hoping for any resolution of this pain. I am resigned to living the rest of my life with some level of pain in this foot. Not what I'd hoped for before the surgery, but an idea that I'm going to have to wrap my head around now. If the injection works to relieve the pain, then perhaps that is what I'll have to do on a continuing basis in order to function better. I'll have to discuss this with the doctor in ten days.

Foot Update

Saw the doctor a week ago. She is not satisfied with my progress or the lack thereof. Go figure. I'm not either.

I am currently not experiencing any pain in either the toe or tendon when at rest. This could be because she insisted I start back on the 800mg of Motrin three times a day. She wants to keep at the inflammation that builds in the tendon. I'm worried a bit about my liver, but she says I should be okay -- that 2400mg is not that much. Sounds like a lot to me.

She did more x-rays to be sure everything was where it should be but found that when she fused the big toe joint she set the toe a bit low of the ball which is what is causing me the pain when I walk. We are currently working on 'tweaking' my orthotic device to try to alleviate this. I think I'm getting close to where it needs to be, but will give it a while to be sure I'm walking properly on it and not compensating.

She loaned me a T.E.N.S. unit which uses electrical stimulation to reduce pain and inflammation and I am doing some at-home treatments along with those I get at PT. The stretching is getting better but still not where I was a month ago. I'm trying to be patient.

The doctor and I spent an hour and a half discussing my foot, the pain and the options for alleviating it. She mentioned surgery again to break and realign the fused joint. She also mentioned unfusing the joint but had to research and see if this has ever been done before. She also wants to to a steroid injection at my next appointment so that I am 'comfortable' for the holidays. Mike will be coming to my next appointment since I am so bad about injections and needles. We'll also discuss the surgical options since he is involved in this as I am. I really don't think I'm up for doing any more surgery.

I hope tweaking the orthotic is the right track here because I don't like the alternatives.