Released!

Last Thursday I saw the doctor for the last time!

It has been a long 18 months with this foot issue --two surgeries, innumerable hours of physical therapy, hundreds of dollars (probably thousands but I really don't want to add it up), and tons of lost time from my business.

Was it worth it? I have to believe so.

The doctor agreed that the perpetually swollen toe and thickened ball of my foot are going to be my "new normal". I have already accepted that. I may not be happy with it, but can accept it.

The worse part is that none, absolute none of my shoes fit anymore - the shoes I had pre-surgery. That includes the shoes I only wear for dog shows. The only thing I can comfortable wear are athletic running shoes. That's okay until I want to wear a skirt (doesn't happen often but does happen).

I tried wearing my slip-on deck shoes. I can get the foot in the shoe with some work, but somehow the shoe is now too short - my toe, which is now bent sideways so shouldn't be a problem, doesn't have room at the top of the shoe. I only wear those deck shoes to run out to the barn or down the lane to get the mail in the summertime - they're my 'convenience' shoes. But they're not convenient any more if it takes several minutes to get my foot in them.

I also tried flip-flops. Nope. Altho easier & quicker to get on than the deck shoes, it doesn't stay positioned on my foot. It keeps working off from between the toes. Again, how can it work off with that big toe so drastically bent over? I don't know but I had to keep stopping and working it back on last night as I walked from the house to the barn while putting the ducks away. Hm-m, not good.

I don't mind wearing athletic shoes except in the summer. I am a barefoot-type of gal and so the deck shoes and the flip-flops are a compromise for me in the summer. And unfortunately money is too tight right now (it is non-existent) for me to buy new shoes, even if I could find something summery that would work on this foot.

But all this grousing aside -- I am good with where my foot is right now physically. The most important thing is that I can now walk without pain in the joint. I still have some occasional bouts of discomfort, especially when I'm on it too long or walk a lot, but the chronic pain is gone. The tendon has hit its limit of stretch somewhere short of full length but is usable as long as I warm it up with ankle rotations and stretching.  It's not 100% but then the rest of me isn't either!

So unless or until this thing re-flares, I'm free! Could it be better? Of course. Am I disappointed with how it turned out? A little. Would I do the surgery again? I'm not sure. To be free of the pain - yes. But all of it is colored by the repeat surgery and the pain I endured, so it's not clear-cut.

But I am able to function again and that is the most important part.

My New Normal

Well, it's been over five months since my last surgery on my foot. It's time to evaluate where I'm at with this foot issue.

May 9, 2011
The new normal

The pain is GONE which was the most important part. Walking is still a work in progress. I still find myself walking the 'old' way at times - avoiding putting weight on the ball of the foot - but that is happening less and less. The tendon is still not as flexible as it should be but then I'm not either. It's hell to get old.

The tendon tightens up a bit overnight, but if I take the time to rotate it and warm it up before my feet hit the floor I'm better. Still can't come down the stairs two-footed first thing in the morning or during the night. Partially it's my knees from lack of use (still), but part of it is the tight tendon not letting me flex enough to come down the stairs. But when I do stairs in the middle of the day, after I've been up and about and warmed thoroughly, no problems doing them two-footed.

I can still flex the tendon/ankle as much as the other foot non-weightbearing. With weight both lose some of that stretch. I doubt that it will come back all the way since I've been doing these darn stretches for more than five months and still not getting any more flexibility. The new normal I guess.

I am taking 800mg of ibuprofen three times a day. That's a lot in my book. And it also makes me wonder what it is hiding so that I can function during the day. I really don't want to be on drugs the rest of my life. There has to be a way to function, if not painlessly, at least comfortably without massive doses of drugs. Taking some because I overdid it is one thing and acceptable, but dosing myself constantly just to function does not set well with me.

My big toe curves to the right a lot. It started doing that after the June  surgery and continued after the last one. It looks ugly but doesn't cause me pain or anything. More new normal.

The swelling in the toe has not changed since the dressing came off after the surgery. The ball of the foot is thicker than my good foot, too. I've been told that it may take six months for the swelling to go down. Well, we're only a couple weeks from that and it ain't goin' anywhere.

I am unable to wear any of my shoes other than my athletic shoes due to the thickness of the foot/toe. Good thing I have a pair of black ones to wear with dress clothes. Got a wedding on the 21st. Guess I'll be wearing black pants to hide my inappropriate footwear! Not sure I like this new normal. I'm not into shoes like a lot of women, but I'd like to wear the ones I own. Probably not going to happen, huh?

So an ugly foot is now my new normal. I guess I can live with that. I'd like to get off the daily drugs as that isn't something I want to live with for the next 15 or 20 years, but that may not be possible. Just depends on how much discomfort I can live with and from my history, that would be a lot.

I see the doctor in a couple weeks. We'll see what's up then . . .