Released!

Last Thursday I saw the doctor for the last time!

It has been a long 18 months with this foot issue --two surgeries, innumerable hours of physical therapy, hundreds of dollars (probably thousands but I really don't want to add it up), and tons of lost time from my business.

Was it worth it? I have to believe so.

The doctor agreed that the perpetually swollen toe and thickened ball of my foot are going to be my "new normal". I have already accepted that. I may not be happy with it, but can accept it.

The worse part is that none, absolute none of my shoes fit anymore - the shoes I had pre-surgery. That includes the shoes I only wear for dog shows. The only thing I can comfortable wear are athletic running shoes. That's okay until I want to wear a skirt (doesn't happen often but does happen).

I tried wearing my slip-on deck shoes. I can get the foot in the shoe with some work, but somehow the shoe is now too short - my toe, which is now bent sideways so shouldn't be a problem, doesn't have room at the top of the shoe. I only wear those deck shoes to run out to the barn or down the lane to get the mail in the summertime - they're my 'convenience' shoes. But they're not convenient any more if it takes several minutes to get my foot in them.

I also tried flip-flops. Nope. Altho easier & quicker to get on than the deck shoes, it doesn't stay positioned on my foot. It keeps working off from between the toes. Again, how can it work off with that big toe so drastically bent over? I don't know but I had to keep stopping and working it back on last night as I walked from the house to the barn while putting the ducks away. Hm-m, not good.

I don't mind wearing athletic shoes except in the summer. I am a barefoot-type of gal and so the deck shoes and the flip-flops are a compromise for me in the summer. And unfortunately money is too tight right now (it is non-existent) for me to buy new shoes, even if I could find something summery that would work on this foot.

But all this grousing aside -- I am good with where my foot is right now physically. The most important thing is that I can now walk without pain in the joint. I still have some occasional bouts of discomfort, especially when I'm on it too long or walk a lot, but the chronic pain is gone. The tendon has hit its limit of stretch somewhere short of full length but is usable as long as I warm it up with ankle rotations and stretching.  It's not 100% but then the rest of me isn't either!

So unless or until this thing re-flares, I'm free! Could it be better? Of course. Am I disappointed with how it turned out? A little. Would I do the surgery again? I'm not sure. To be free of the pain - yes. But all of it is colored by the repeat surgery and the pain I endured, so it's not clear-cut.

But I am able to function again and that is the most important part.